Lalalala

Ruki got a twitter! I'm not very fond of twitter, but aw well... I'd rather be able to read his blog or something xD Curse the fan only thing, geez....




The GazettE's new single RED is coming out this month, I'm very excited. I was very fond of their recent single, Shiver, well, at least the other songs, Hesitating Means Death and.... um.... lol, can't believe I can't remember the name... ah yes! Naraku! I loved those two songs.... Shiver wasn't exactly my fav, but it was okay....




My kitty has been ridiculously cute lately, she has been curling up next to me almost every night. She is so soft and warm >.<


Till next post

Been awhile...

As is obvious, it has been forever since I have blogged...


It is entirely my fault, and I know it... But I haven't had the urge to write about much of anything...... Life has been generally crappy and uneventful, except for the fact that I bought the GazettE's new single and am excited to recieve it... 

Daisuke from the studs died some time ago... thought I would mention it in here as a sort of tribute... RIP Daisuke

I have been reading a lot of manga, trying to find something interesting to waste my time on... Speaking of manga, onemanga.com took down all its manga and is no longer going to have any new manga... Gah, it's a sad thing, I felt very empty for a week after hearing about it...

Besides that, school, school, and more school is all I have been doing... 


I wanted to go to a Dir en Grey concert, but alas, I cannot... Life has not been favorably to me....


That is all....

UnsraW

My latest music obsession is UnsraW(J-metal band formed in 2006), if ya don't know them it's these guys right up there above my writing. It was thanks to the Twisted in Tokyo blog that I was introduced to this amazing band. Their music is strong, lyrics moving and powerful, and I think their image, as of late, isn't too overdone. 


What's really amazing about UnsraW is their vocalist. In 2007(?) or 2008(?) Yuuki-that's the vocalist-was diagnosed with some rare form of pneumonia, it was really bad apparently, and he dissapeared from the music scene for... more than a year. People actually thought the guy was dead and UnsraW was done for. 

Then in 2009, UnsraW came back(SURPRISE!), only to have their bassist injure his hand in an accident. Geez. Nonetheless, UnsraW came back stronger than ever, releasing more powerful music, and Yuuki still delivering his strong vocals. Not to mention this year, due to two members leaving, two new members were added. 


I am still learning more and more about this band, and the more I learn, the more I like them. Below is one of their recent songs, from their mini album Guilty, it is currently my fav song from UnsraW... If you like these guys, check em out!

The Game of Pretend

My writing is 100% mine, please no stealing and blah blah blah... yeah, all that crap. Anyway, here is a lil taste of my writing:


The Game of Pretend


It is a beautiful day outside.
The leaves are strewn
across the ground, all colors,
the sun is shining brightly, the
neighbors lawn is full of clover.

I turn to ask you if you’d like
to go and try to find a four
leaf, but you say no,
you’re too tired.

Sighs. They have become
a regular occurrence
in the family lately.
Sad, long sighs,
worried about what is
to come, but too afraid to say
anything at all.

Except for you, you do not sigh.
You are different.
You do not play the game of pretend.

*

When you first started
getting tired, no one
seemed to
notice. Then, when Mom and Dad did,
they thought maybe
it was because you
were getting older,
growing, you needed your rest.

Now everything is changed,
though we like to pretend it isn’t.
Let’s go and do everything all the same.
Like it used to be.
No, like it is.
But it is not that way.
I can feel it clearly. Everyone can.

Why do we hide feelings?
We do not do it very well,
thus the sighs.
Thus the sobs in the night.
Thus the loss of words,
the fake smiles.

“I wonder what it will be like when I die?”
You ask me one night, splaying your
fingers out in front of your face,
lying in the bottom bunk,
though the top bunk used to be yours.
I pretend not to hear
you. Pretending is the new
motto in the family, after all.

I am watching you, lying there,
blending in with the white sheets.
You never used to.
You scare me,
because you act so unafraid.
You make these statements too often.
It worries me.
You do not play the game of pretend.

*

“I don’t think there
is a heaven.”
It is one of your statements that you make.
I am curious why you think
this, but I am too afraid to speak.
Please don’t scare me anymore.
You are my big sister,
you are supposed to
protect me.

You think you will
just be non existent. You
have told me this so often,
and then laughed,
laughed like you
are crazy.

You are sitting
across from me now,
staring at me, and then
you reach over and pinch me.

“Does it hurt?”

It does,
but I don’t say so.
I am worried you will
hurt yourself if I say anything.
You have gotten so strange lately.

The men in the white coats said
you only have a little while left.
And you laughed,
and Mom and Dad, they stared at you.
Because you are not playing the game of pretend.

*

Do something fun, make
her last days happy.
That is what they told
us. So we go, we go to the park,
and we swing on the swings,
we go and eat ice cream,
ride on the carousel.

And when Mom and Dad
are talking to people
they know,
they do not say the truth.
They lie to them.
Everything is fine.
Our daughters?
Oh, they are doing well.

A little child came up to us at the park
while we were there,
he noticed how pale you were,
and asked you why.
She is an albino.
Haven’t you heard of them?

But you smile at him,
with that new crazed smile
of yours, and say

“I am going to die.”


No. Please, please play the game
of pretend.

*

Before all of this,
we were very happy.
Before you got sick.
Before you got strange.

We both went to school
together, played with our friends.
Told stories and laughed sincerely,
read books eagerly,
smiled truthfully.

Me and you,
we were so happy together.
We were sisters.
Yes.
We acted like sisters should.

The world was full of
truth before this.
Not lies.
There were no sighs,
no tears,
no insane laughter,
or talk of death, of dying.

You, you most of all.
You are the one that seems to be
changing. And no,
not just physically.

But are you really the one who is
changing? Or is it us?
Are we the ones who have changed?
Is it because we lie,
because we play the game
of pretend?

*

“Im dying.”
No you’re not.
“Im sick.”
No, no.
“Look at how weak I am,
I can barely move anymore,
I can hardly breath.”
You’re just growing,
that’s all.
“You are lying.”

Please don’t hate me.
Don’t hate us.
Because it is so
much easier to
play the game of pretend,
than the one of reality.
Don’t you realize this?
Can’t you see?

It hurts to lie,
but it hurts so much worse
when you tell the truth. Accept the truth.
Please, don’t talk to me anymore
about death.


I want you to stay here with me,
forever.

“But don’t you see?
Lying to yourself will not make me stay.”

*

I know.
I know that I do not need to lie
anymore.
And I also know that I feel
so empty right now.

I hate this feeling more than anything else.
This feeling that I have lost something,
something that I cannot replace.
And I understand now.
I understand why you
were the way you were.

Because we lied.
I lied up to the very end.
Even when you were
fading away from me,
I smiled at you, and
said,
Tomorrow, let’s go to
the park, and swing on
the swings,
and eat ice cream.

Let’s tell jokes,
and read books,
and play
hangman,
and hide and seek,
and tag.

Help me with my math homework,
because you’re so much better
at it than me.
Most of all,
sing me to sleep.
I love your voice, its so pretty.
I love you.

And what did you reply?

“I’m sorry, I won’t be able to go to the park with you,
and eat ice cream.
I won’t be able to tell jokes, and play tag, and hide and seek.
I won’t be able to
help you with your homework.
And I won’t be able to sing you a lullaby.
You’ll have to do them
yourself.
It’s not that I don’t love you,
because I do, very much. It’s only because
I’ll be dead tomorrow.”

You, who never once played the game of pretend, to the very end.

Grave of the Fireflies

Now that I got that annoying introduction over with, let’s get right into more interesting things... Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike........... Grave of the Fireflies!

The first time I watched this movie was online, low quality, small screen, at 2:00 in the freakin morning! Even though I was tired out of my mind by the end(okay, not really, I’m a night owl), and it was low quality and a small screen, I cried my eyes out like a little baby when it ended. That movie is SO sad, but it is amazingly good, and one of the best Anime movies I have watched. I recommend you watching it, you will not be dissapointed. I’ll write a review on it later, probably, if I don’t forget or am just too plain lazy, as I tend to be.

So, after watching this amazing masterpiece, I just had to have it in my own collection. Unfortunately, everywhere I happened to be where movies were it wasn’t in stock, and so months, then a year went by. But then, the day before yesterday, I went to Hastings, and wha-la(insert angel, operatic aaaawwwwing music in background)- There it was, all new and pretty and waiting just for me to buy it and watch it again! REJOICE! Here it is, with its nice case(special two disc editions, SCORE!):

I watched it last night, and it was just as amazing and tear jerking as I remembered it. My Grandparents and I have this little thing when it comes to anime, they pretty much mock it and call it cartoons and stupid, and I writhe inside over it, but let them because, I must admit, some of my anime are sort of stupid in their own little ways... But I will not, absolutely will NOT let them diss this movie, this movie cannot be dissed, it is the epitome of... of.... amazingness and tragicness(I know, both not real words)...

Okay, that’s about all I have to say for today! Now I will go and do something.... BORING! YAY!

Re-Introduction

Lately. I’ve been getting this feeling that im pretty useless. I mean, I feel like a freakin poser or something. I even have a hard time writing about myself, even though I’m a very opinionated person and want to be a writer(which is a failure as a dream because I’m not all that great, but whatever)... I also have been all woeful about myself, feeling all sorry for myself. Seriously, I need to get over feeling sorry for myself like that.

And I can’t even seem to write a permanent blog, I’m constantly changing, because I’m just stupid and all my blogs sound pretty lame. Believe me, if you had read them prior, ha, you’d understand. But, since it’s neseccary that I introduce myself, which I never did before because I’m just weird that way, here are a few things you should know before I continue my random ramblings:

My name is Xiola, I am a teenager, and as we all know, teenagers are all the same, stereotypical little ‘I know everythings’... Yeah, whatever, basically, if you are so short sighted as to see that way, then I don’t need you reading this, and I’m sure you’d prefer not to, so buh bye. I am also very opinionated, as mentioned, and though I have a very hard time showing this, I am going to start trying to write about how I really feel, so be forewarned, sometimes my feelings make no sense whatsoever and are rather dark. Dun dun dun.

I love cats, they are going to take over the world, all cat haters are going to die! MUAHAHAHAHA! Okay, moment over. I also am an anime and manga fan(OH NO! IS SHE GOING TO START USING BAKA AND SAYONARA AND A BUNCH OF OTHER JAPANESE WORDS LIKE A CREEPY LIL WANNA-BE JAPANESE GIRL?! Maybe I will, just to spite you). I hate haters. I hate people who automatically reject someone because of the way they look, or because of them having different likes and dislikes. Though I am sometimes guilty of this myself(does this make me a hypocrite? Discuss...).

Warning: I tend to stretch the truth, even to my own family members. I feel guilt....AAAAAH! WALLOWING IN GUUUUUILT!!!!!

Another note: I will also most likely try too hard in this blog, just saying it before you do.

I really love J-rock. It is pretty much the only music I listen too, though I also listen to Placebo and sometimes I’ll hear a random song on the radio I really, really like. The GazettE is my favorite band, Dir en Grey comes in a close second, and Placebo is somewhere up there at the top floating around too.

Besides ramblings and complaining about the injustices in this world, Xiola might insert some reviews of Anime and Manga, and of certain songs(OMG-DID SHE JUST USE THE THIRD PERSON!? Yes, she did.... :D).... I write stories, I might post some of those as well....

Now you know all you need to know. This is my first entry, welcome to my world. If you choose to follow me, read this, or whatever, I warn you: be afraid, be very afraid...

(PS: Told you I’d try too hard)

The title for my blog.... don't ask